Whoa! That is a tall order.
It has always been of interest to us that husbands are admonished to “love” their wives, but their wives are not given that same command. Wives are told to submit. Is one harder than the other? Or does each concept include the other from a different perspective?
There is a reason we have two Apostles giving the Church warnings about the conflicts we can have in marriage. Remember, these were also Christians to whom the Apostles were writing in their day. And this was not in the face of politicized feminism and the radical sexual identity issues that we see today. In Colossians 3:19, husbands are told not to be bitter against their wives. What on earth could possibly make them bitter? Was it cultural? Or was it a consequence of the natural conflict that sin brought with it? Is that part of what God said about the post-fall woman that her desire would be to rule in place of her husband? See Genesis 3:16. Is “bitterness” an unconscious accusation that the woman was deceived and brought this “trouble” upon her husband’s head? Or does bitterness have its root within our own failures, in our own disobedience? It is likely that a man may be “bitter” when his wife takes over leadership, filling the void that he has left open. Isn’t it natural that we want to blame someone else for our own failures?
In 1 Peter 3:7, husbands are told to watch out how they live with their wives, as weaker vessels, so that the husband’s prayers will not be hindered. So how are those two concepts—marriage and a man’s prayer life—related? Life as a married couple is difficult. Unless we each see the other first as a sinner—exactly like ourselves—fully in need of God’s Grace, we will do nothing truly pleasing to God, our partners, or ourselves. Paul warned in 1 Corinthians that it would be better not to marry if you do not have to do so in order to avoid getting yourself caught up in the cares of this life. As a married man you will be—should be, ought to be—more concerned with pleasing your wife and meeting her needs than anything else. But can that interfere with being at all times available to God? Can dealing with those cares interfere with our prayer life? You will have trouble in the world. But that is not the end of the story. Jesus said He has overcome the world. Married or unmarried, we must abide in Him in order to overcome also. We must still make ourselves available always to God. Take heed that we live our priorities accordingly.
We must be able to see that it is hard for both parties in the marriage. But we are responsible for our part of its success or failure. We are not responsible for making our partner fulfill their part. We must still approach each other with gentleness and respect. We need those “weaker vessels” in our lives, so be careful with them. Love them, cherish, protect, and provide. Cover them in prayer before our Merciful Lord.
But truthfully, come on! Who among us, married or unmarried, is always available to God? Do we need to start writing in the dust? Monday Night Football. A Golf game on Saturday morning. Bowling league. Facebook time? What else? The fact is we already have many things in the world that pull and tug away at our attention, energy, and resources.
Can you imagine how much faith it takes to submit to a husband who has abdicated his role to follow Christ? Many wives do and are commended for it. They are even given the prospect of winning their husbands over to Christ. But come on! How long can you husbands go on lording it over your homes without considering your wives, their feelings, their thoughts, their hopes? If you abandon your role or abuse it, you should not expect your wife to do anything other than try to usurp it, to take it over herself. That is the product of sin and your own disobedience.
So, what do these verses make you think about anyway?
Simple message, isn’t it? Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave His life for it. Do we ever really say, “No!” to ourselves and serve our wives’ needs as paramount? Every day, all the time? That is what we are admonished to do. It is God’s will. Why is that so hard? Or is it.
When we see the wife to whom we have been attracted, to whom we have now pledged our trust, being as submitted to our needs, does that make it so much easier to lay down our lives? You bet. But we are told to love them whether they submit or not! You cannot be the head of your family unless and until you are willing to—and are actually doing it—die for them every hour of every day.
But think about this will you? What a frightening prospect it must be for a woman wanting to serve God and be obedient in Christ to “submit” to that slug on the couch who serves only himself! Do we make it easy for them? Do we provide the protection for that delicate, beautiful soul to place her trust in us? We can. But do we? When a wife sees a husband willing to serve her needs and to give his life for his family, she will submit and be blessed together with him. That is how it works. That is the only way it works.
Let us help one another. Women, we trust you would encourage your husbands to get exercise, go to the health club, and see a doctor regularly, wouldn’t you? Well, encourage them to get active in the men’s group at your local Church. Find out who is in charge of the group and encourage them to invite your husband. If they do not have one, talk to your Pastor. Encourage the Pastor, Board, Elders—get the other women to be vocal—in the Church to start a Men Following Jesus group! And pray for that group to stay focused—to follow Jesus.
Men, help other men to be the husbands they need to be. If you are a single man in the Church, pray for your sisters in Christ that their submission would not hurt them. Pray for their husbands to be the men that they should be. Pray that they will be protected in making themselves vulnerable in submission. And help their husbands, your brothers, to avoid the sins that so easily beset us. Hold your brothers in Christ accountable. Help them see the importance of avoiding temptations, to stand strong against the spirit of adultery, the whiles of pornography, the deception of partying, drugs, and alcohol. Just because you are single does not mean you are off the hook. We all have a part to play in the Body of Christ. Stand in the gap for your brothers and sisters.
When both do their part, marriage is not bitter. It is better—the best! Marriage is an illustration of Christ and the Church. What a relationship that is! We submit in faith to Christ. He never abdicates. When each does their part fully, Christ is honored in the world.
Remember, “husbands love” is not a conditional command. The Lord does not say, “husbands love your wives if they….” And, likewise, “wives submit” is not conditional. As we stand before God, we either trust Him, believe Him and obey, or we rebel in our hearts and continue the crisis of faith.
Are we always perfect in loving our wives or submitting to our husbands? No. You know we are not. But, as we learn and grow together, we sooner know how to seek forgiveness, repent, fix things for the better, make the changes we need to make and get back into right relationship before damage is done that is beyond simple repair. We know how we came to Christ in the first instance. We saw our sin and through the ministry of someone else heard the Holy Spirit confirm that Jesus is the answer to our need. He is still our first love to Whom we all must submit.
As Jesus prayed for His disciples on His last night before crucifixion, “Father, I pray that they would be one as You and I are one, so that the world will know that You have sent Me.” What is more important for the world to know than that Jesus is the Christ of God, one with the Godhead, sent to fulfill the need of humanity and purpose of the Father, to be the propitiation for our sin, and make the way plain and clear for our fellowship with the Holy God? A good and balanced marriage, in which both do their part, points the world to the Grace of God. Without His Grace, and apart from Him, we can do nothing.
Yes, it is a tall order. It comes from God. He has shown the way. He has given us the tools and the opportunity for success. It is a match made in heaven! Who would settle for less? Lord, we pray that couples will be one in you, examples of Grace in this world.
Men Following Jesus 